Don't be Elbow, dude.

Hi friends and strangers,

Been a while since i wrote anything in this blog of mine. I guess you would like an update on how I've been. I'm good. Except, I'm kinda falling apart at the seams. When did i get old? I'm not old, but damn, I guess I'm fragile? Turns out playing soccer is way harder on you than you would assume.

I'm currently fighting off an injury to my elbow i suffered playing soccer. Oh, but you don't use your arms in soccer, you say? Yeah, well, if you suck at soccer, sometimes you do. This little short guy smashed into me when i was going to clear a ball (not a sexual term) and we both ate it, and i, genius that i am, although it all happened in an instant so i didn't really have time to think about it, put my arm out to break my fall, and landed on it with my elbow locked, and now it's totally janked. I went to the doctor in United States, and i broke nothing, but i still can't fully flex/extend it, and this was almost 3 weeks ago.

I got home from the soccer game and noticed a zit on my face that was ready to do. Oops, not so fast, you can't touch your face with both hands. Popping a zit one-handed is not that easy. In Mexico you have to buy fresh drinking water, so I use the "garrafon" system, which is like the big 20 liter plastic bottle that you set upside down on some cabinet of sorts and use via a spigot, and just trade for a full one, no trash. Well, naturally, mine ran out about a day after i hurt my arm, and turns out it's not that easy to get one of those fuckers a)back from the convenience store to the house or b)upside down on its resting place without spilling everywhere with only one arm. So I had to improvise a bit, but i made it.

I had the option while i was at one of the farmacias (pronounced far-MAH-see-ah, not farm-mah-SEE-ah, fyi) of seeing the on-site doctor at the farmacia for an extra $25.00 pesos so he could prescribe me something. Something about seeing a doctor for $2.50 didn't ring quite true with me, so i waited. I think it's getting better though, slowly, so i'm just trying to take it easy.

I've naturally accidentally re-tweaked it a few times . . . notably last thursday night, when i went to the Mexican Soccer League semifinal matchup of Pumas UNAM (UNAM is the biggest University in Mexico, has a huge campus in the south of the city here that they actually call the "Ciudad Universitaria," or "University City") vs. Santos Laguna. Pumas is probably the most popular Mexico City-based team, along with Club América. América is more like the Yankees, while Pumas is the University team, so they have more of the young/hip fanbase, along with the alums, who are plentiful. Funny thing is, they have almost the same colors. América is like, mustard yellow and royal blue. Pumas are gold and navy. And the two teams, they absolutely hate each other. Which i find hilarious. Santos Laguna are out of Torreón and were the best team in the regular season this year. So I went to the Estadio down south there with my friend from work Pablo Molina and his two crazy-ass cousins, Miguel and Leonardo. We were a bit late showing up, and someone stole my disposable camera on the way in, so i have no pictures, and we had kinda wack seats anyway. But, man, it was amazing. Everything you imagined a soccer game in another country to be like, this is it. I've been to the Estadio Azteca where América plays, and the Estadio Azul where Cruz Azul plays, but this was totally unlike those, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, was going completely nuts, the whole time. There are cheers and songs that you sing, the whole time, jumping up and down . . . it was so awesome. We were seated right behind the benches, on the side of the visitors, which brings me to how I tweaked my arm a little bit . . . throwing beer at the opposing team's players while they warmed up.

Oh, I'm a dick for doing that, you say? Unsportsmanlike? Cheer for your team, don't abuse the other team? Hey, I'm all for those things, I'm a gentleman's gentleman, but, when in Rome . . . EVERYBODY was abusing these guys. It's almost like people go to soccer games half so they can just yell every swear word they know at the referee and opposing team. I mean we were screaming at the ref, they even have songs making fun of the referee (and his mother) all ready to go. And keep in mind, we were winning. And when the opposing team got up to warm up at the start of the 2nd half . . . holy god. These guys might as well have slapped every person in the audience's grandmother. I've never heard such nastiness, and man, it was awesome. Hell, before those guys got up, the guys in the crowd were yelling at some girl who worked for the ground crew who happened to be standing in front of us, "Sit down! I didn't buy a ticket to watch you!" Which was also hilarious. We bought an entire tray's worth of beers off the beer girl at one point, and just had a nice army of beers at the ready for the rest of the game. Pumas won 3-0 (recently won the return leg and are on to the finals) and it was nuts. We stayed and partied in the parking lot (there were ladies selling beers out of the back of taxis) for probably an hour or two, then went to some restaurant, Papa Bill's, oh god that place . . . and I made it home at about, oh, 4 am. On a Thursday. It was good. Good times. I do have one picture on my cellphone, and I may be going to the first leg of the finals this coming thursday . . . here's hoping.

What else has been happening? I went home for Thanksgiving, hung out with the family and the friends and my dear sweet Elizabeth. It was ever so nice to see all of you, I look forward to good times over Chrimmus as well. It was especially good to eat good pizza, good breakfast, thanksgiving food, and greek food, as well as to hang out at my old apartment. Not so nice, man was it cold! I think i'm already spoiled from living here, where it's 70 degrees like 300 days a year. Got to see the Buffs trash the malvado Nebraska, which was quite enjoyable.

But, Mexico, this blog is about Mexico. What's been happening here? Oh man, i need to get a new digital camera for Chrimmus, because i definitely need to start bringing it with me everywhere, due to the painful amount of hilarious stuff i see on a daily basis. It's just too much to list. There's a hair salon near my house called "Pupy." I mean, how else could you pronounce that? I'd put the number of drullets, yes, short on top, dreadlocks in back, that i've seen since arriving at no lower than 4. There's a new sitcom that sponsors all sorts of stuff called "Lazytown." Quite the way to inspire the fatty generation. I almost daily drink a giant (half-liter) juice box drink. The brand name? Boing! Yes, the exclamation point is part of the brand name. Speaking of the fatty generation, i am definitely bringing home a package of this awful candy they have here, it's made to look like ice cream scoops on crackers or something, and it's called, like, "Splortz" or something like that. Nee and the guys will love that one.

I guess the Chrimmus bonus situation in Mexico, ho man, it's so awesome. It's like, a national Labor Law that you get the aguinaldo, which is a full extra month's salary, on top of your normal salary, in December. Also you get utilidades, which, while it means "utilities," somehow translates to profit-sharing, which is like another month and a half of your salary. So total in December you make like 3-4 times what you normally would. I've been fighting them tooth and nail (and clavicle) to make sure i get in on that, since i'm still not on the Mexican payroll. So, December 10, when my FM-3 supposedly will be in my hand, they're cutting me some checks. NICE. Don't act like you're getting nicer Chrimmus presents out of this, though. Well, some of you are, baby.

Ho man, we had this "security briefing" the other day? It was nuts. This guy who did it, Jack, he runs a security business here in Mexico City. Guy is definitely on my "want to have multiple beers with and listen to tell stories" list, along with Tommy Lee, Henry Kissinger, Ryan Nee, and Tom Jones. He told me this one before the meeting about a guy who slept with and then was extorting money from a woman here in Mexico who then contacted him, and so this security guy flys out to Israel to find the guy after hacking all his information, and then he stakes out the guy's and all the guy's family's houses in black Mercedes', and has the lady call him and say the FBI is involved and she still loves him, and the guy hires two big ugly Arab guys to help him chase this guy down . . . it was a good one. But yeah, after that meeting, i was interested to learn that the number 1 kidnapping/robbery method these days here in greater Mexico is: Virtual Kidnapping. Yes, Virtual Kidnapping. You put on these 3-D goggles, then snatch a kid . . . no, that's not it.

What they actually do is call your house, either because they know your kids aren't home, or just randomly, and they have it all set up and are apparently great actors, and say "We have your child, give us X money or we'll kill him" and there's a kid screaming in the background and everything, and they say, "give us your cellphone number, we'll call you there" and they call your cellphone and tell you that if you hang up they'll kill the kid, and then they have you go to the ATM/Bank/Store and get a bunch of money or goods (tvs, Xbox, etc) and drop it off to them. All the while though, they don't have your kid, or anything. They're just saying they do, and they scare the shit out of you and don't give you a chance to check up on your kids with the whole "if you hang up he dies" thing. And people are paying. Lots of people i guess. It's horrible, but you gotta admit, whoever thought that up is fucking brilliant. It's almost 0 risk, and you get paid, basically for nothing, just being convincing on the phone. The worst is when they call and say "We have your child" and the person goes "Oh no, not my Miguel!" and then they definitely have you, "We have Miguel." Before, they didn't know his name, you just gave it away. One of the bosses here actually said they had called his house, and said we have your kid or whatever, and dude went into the living room and there were his kids, so it didn't work that time. But, pretty wild concept, all in all. Of course, if they call me, i mean, i don't even have very many friends here, let alone a wife or kids. Pretty sure that wouldn't work on me. But, moral of the story is, if i lose my cellphone or something and you get a call saying "We have your American friend (assuming they can glean from the 001 numbers in my phone that i'm American) and you have to send us X money, don't do it unless they say my name and put me on the phone. Real kidnappers are happy to put the kidnapee (that word doesn't look right) on the phone, slap him around a little, etc. So yeah, don't pay my fake ransom, please. Spend it on Chrimmus presents for me instead.

What else, you ask? Wasn't that enough? I really need to have my muchacha come clean my apartment, that thing is getting out of hand. My refridgerator is also broken. To be honest, I'm getting kinda sick of life down here, everything is just such a pain in the ass sometimes, which is most of the time. Over Thanksgiving i really realized just how smooth and easy life in America is, i guess you don't know what you got til it's gone, or whatever. Left paradise, moved to Mexico City (where ironically, parking lots hardly exist).

Talk to you all soon, drop me an email! leemsaundersATgmail

--Lee